June 2, 2010

Adoption Story Part 2

I realize that it's been some time since my last post. I have hesitated to write the second part of the story as it is so dear to my heart and hard to share such tender feelings. When people describe placement day in the adoption world more often than not you hear the word bittersweet. Such a fitting word to describe the heartbreak and overwhelming joy you experience simultaneously. No one prepares you for the emotion you will face when you sign those papers and walk into that room.

Ben and I sat in an empty conference room with our caseworker anxiously and nervously signing placement documents and trying not to cry, even though our eyes were already puffy and red from the drive. Luckily, a random woman in a hospital gown wandered into the room and sat down at the table with us and began listening intently. Our caseworker awkwardly slowed her speech as the three of us turned to inquire of the intrusion by another patient in the labor and delivery ward. She said, "Oh, keep going, I just have a question when your through..." To which we replied, "Um, about...adoption?" She turned all red and left in a hurry when it was finally established that the breastfeeding class slated for that room had indeed been cancelled. Comedic relief to lighten the anxiety of the moment. Our papers were signed so quickly it seemed odd that such a simple act could alter our course so profoundly. We left the room and walked down the hall to where Cassie stood, rocking little Isla back and forth with her family there for support. The spirit was so strong in that room, and I felt instantly that the hundreds of prayers from those we love were being fulfilled. It was peaceful, and emotional, and love filled the room up. I knew angels were there sustaining us all. We hugged and cried and made future plans with our new extended family. It felt like a little piece of heaven on earth had been restored in that room. Heaven as it should be, no pride or harshness, just unconditional love and mercy. I cannot tell you how it felt to leave that room where we all shared so much. My heart was bleeding for Cassie and her selfless act for us and this tiny baby we carried away. If it wasn't for the residing peace and comfort we all felt, I don't think it could be possible to have performed such an act, a testiment of Cassie's true character. We made it down the elevator and out to our waiting car with a nurse in tow to check out our carseat, a new mandate. We had planned to leave quickly so Cassie didn't have to see us drive away, but her Dad happened to be going out to get his car as well. He leaned in as we awkwardly strapped in the carseat for the first time and said,"So, how bout a BBQ in few weeks?" And it felt as natural as ever. Relief and assurance that indeed this was not a final goodbye, but a new start for a beautiful baby girl who has all the love in the world.

10 comments:

  1. Love the story! She is beautiful! And Cassie and her family seem wonderful!!
    Hope Isla is doing well and you guys are getting some sleep!

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  2. Kindle...I'm sitting here at my computer crying. I am so thankful for you, my beautiful daughter, and a new grand-daughter, and a precious new friend we have found in Cassie. Miracles are meant to be shared by all.
    love you

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  3. I totally feel like I have another sister. I just want to hug Cassie and say let's go get a cupcake.
    Love you two, and I can't wait until little Isla starts waking up during the day :)

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  4. Ben and Kindle...Your story is such an inspiration to us all. You look at this with the Eternal perspective in mind and I love that about you too! Isla is darling and Cassie and her family are so lucky to have the three of you in her life and what a Christlike person Cassie is, and her entire family seem wonderful. We can't wait to meet the little darling in person. Love you all!

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  5. Your strong faith and love are evident in your writing. What a blessing the adoption process is to all of us. Thank heavens for Cassie, her family, and you and Ben. Together, Isla will be blessed her whole life with a loving family. Not to mention grandparents to who already adore her. Can't wait to visit again soon! Keep writing! Your story and your spirit are an inspiration.

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  6. Thanks Kindle for sharing your story with us, I enjoyed it just as much the second time around!!! You have lifted my heart today!!! I hope you enjoyed the shower, you deserved it!!!

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  7. Words cannot even begin to express how happy I am for you Kindle. I so feel your joy, your sadness for your birthmom and your love for her as well. I am so happy for you. Let's get our girls together sometime.
    Love you guys.

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  8. So happy to see the pictures and read about your story!! I loved every minute of it. So happy for you and Ben. Hope to see you this summer at the Garner Reunion, and hug that darling little girl! Love you tons,
    kt

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  9. You are seriously amazing. What an incredible strength you have and I look up to you sooo much. I can't imagine that bittersweet feeling. You write so beautifully as well. Enjoy your new baby and all that is to come. I am so happy for you guys. Thanks for sharing your story!

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